He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize