just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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