I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize