dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
