I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
