It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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