The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
