you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize