can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize