if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
