I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
