Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
