so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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