Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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