I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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