I want to stick my p in your. b.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
