hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
