Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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