I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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