miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
