That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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