Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize