This house was built for laser tag.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
