DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
