We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
