i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Two words: blizzard sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
