I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I forget how to act sober
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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