OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
