White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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