im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
