You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
