my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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