I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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