these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I forget how to act sober
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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