I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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