you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
