Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize