so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
