I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
