He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
