dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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