You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
