Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
