i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
