Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
