honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
