I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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