he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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