dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
where am i from again
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
