I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
