i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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