In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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