they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
