is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
