made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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