idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
