her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
