I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
