And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
