Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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