I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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