the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
