suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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