we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
