Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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