It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize