let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize