I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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