I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
