Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
