Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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