I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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